I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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