Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I will be naked everywhere
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize