the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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