you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
