walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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