I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
