she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
