Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
