Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
