Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
