at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
