My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
