ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
