your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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