But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
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He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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