If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
