carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
