he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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