so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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