put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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