Just fell off a train. Bad.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
