I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you win again, gameday.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
