she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize