Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm too high and old for this...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
