I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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