So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
