i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
