I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
