I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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