We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
