Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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