Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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