Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
