apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
