I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
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Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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