She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
