my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
