I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
