Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
