that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
