wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
