Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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