People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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