my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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