You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
