so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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