You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
