where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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