I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
