I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
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He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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