Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
