i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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