Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
