We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
