I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
