Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
