u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
