I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
