This is not my ceiling
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't deserve a penis
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
