Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
