Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
