I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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