What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize