i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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