I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
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Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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