you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
