we have pet lesbian snakes
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
