I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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